[20.06.2003] β ghost lunch
they laughed at me again. i heard it. the girl with the red jacket. i hope she chokes on her words. i ate alone near the stairs again, same cold spot. i saw a bug crawling on my rice. lucky bug. it can leave.
journal
πͺ π₯π°π―'π΅ πΈπ’π―π―π’ π£π¦ π©π¦π³π¦. πͺ π©π°π±π¦ π΅π©π¦πΊ π₯πͺπ¦ π§πͺπ³π΄π΅.
[19.06.2003] β the list grows
added two more names. they're not real to me anymore. if i stare long enough, they blur. they stop existing. what if i just erased them for real?
[17.06.2003] β noise inside
my head is loud again. i looked at a photo of me from last year. i don't know who that is. she smiled. her eyes had light. i think i killed her somewhere between gym class and winter. now my mouth twitches when i fake it too hard.
[13.06.2003] β number thoughts
i count the ceiling tiles. 37. i count the cracks in the wall. 12. i count how many times my heart skips when he walks by. 4. i count how many of them i could take down with scissors. (i stop counting after 7.)
[04.06.2003] β everyone is so loud
they talk and laugh and exist too hard. i sit in the corner. today i imagined the fire alarm going off and no one getting out. i smiled.
γ i won't be quiet forever γ
